There are two types of people in the world, the ones who read personal development books, and the ones who don’t. I am obviously part of the former one. Ever since I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People back in high school, I’ve been on a lookout on the next book that can help me develop into becoming a “better” version of myself. The books that I will put on this list are the ones who have helped me love myself better, and overall see myself in a better light. Maybe they will somehow help you too.

PS: will try to update this list as I go

The Now Habit 

by Neil Fiore (1988)

“People don’t procrastinate just to be ornery or because they’re irrational. They procrastinate because it makes sense, given how vulnerable they feel to criticism, failure, and their own perfectionism.”

I am very hard on myself, and I always have been. Procrastination is something I have always blamed myself for, for I have always felt that if only I could push myself harder, I would never procrastinate as much as I do now. So I bought this book because I thought I would learn how to be harder on myself, and more productive from it. What I learned from this book became something different entirely, and in a much more groundbreaking kind of sense.

The Now Habit actually explains to us in a very logical way why we procrastinate, and “The Now Habit perspective does not accept that laziness, disorganization, or any other character defect is the reason you procrastinate.”, rather procrastination is more of a coping mechanism because of our fear of failure, because we put too much of our self-worth in the work that we are doing.

As a person who is constantly putting my self worth in the work that I do, the idea that my worth can come from a deeper sense of self-love was alien to me, and this book was the one who made me realise how my way of thinking had hurt me so much and put too much pressure on me. The Now Habit helped me look at myself in a kinder way and make me understand that I am more than my work. And ironically with that, I became much more productive. (Although till this day whenever I have my usual anxiety attacks, and am unable to work because of it, I will reread The Now Habit to remind myself to be kinder. This book literally is my go to “Self-Help” book)

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Daring Greatly

by Brene Brown(2012)

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

This book changed my life and I have been recommending it to the closest of my friends since I have read it. The book explores about what it truly means to be courages, and contrary to what people think of courage, it rarely has anything to do with strength or heroism or perfection. Courage is as much about vulnerability than anything else.

If you do not have the time to read this book, by the very least try to watch Brene Browns TED Talk I have attached below, this can already give you a general idea on what you can learn from this book, but beware because once you decide to read her book, it will be difficult to see life the same way as you did before.

PS: A lot of what ceritaperempuan.id (a platform for storytelling of real experiences among women) is about is actually heavily inspired by Brene Brown. This book really really blew my mind (although its the type of book I will only read one time in my lifetime, because reading it put me on an emotional roller coaster, in which I constantly had to check myself and my motives in life).

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Give and Take

by Adam Grant (2013)

“This is what I find most magnetic about successful givers: they get to the top without cutting others down, finding ways of expanding the pie that benefit themselves and the people around them. Whereas success is zero-sum in a group of takers, in groups of givers, it may be true that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”

This book is a must read for people who have doubted whether being a good person, and actually giving to other people is a good thing or not. Adam Grant will lay down all the evidence that the most giving of people are actually the most successful of people, are you not surprised?

All our lives we are accustomed to think that only the ones who take from other people can be successful. Our parents tell us that if we are not careful, and we are too nice to people, we might actually be used by them and we will suffer because of it. But what is interesting is that according to research by Adam Grant, the most successful people are actually givers (the ones who give more than they receive), followed by takers (the ones who take more than they give), and than by matchers (the ones who only give as much as they get), but on the bottom again are the givers.

So it is actually true that you can be stepped on when you “give too much”, but actually the givers who are most successful and the givers who are least successful are two different types of givers. The successful givers are both ambitious for helping people and for themselves, while the unsuccessful givers only focus on other without focusing on themselves. Seems plausible? See the TED talk I attach below for more info, and read the book to get real hard data and study cases of good people being successful.